The Best American Poetry

John Cowper Powys, 1872-1963 [by Mitch Sisskind]

Though not a Jew himself Powys somehow
Intuited Kabbalistic teachings on humiliation
Through his sexual failures and constipation
As we learn in his Autobiography where he also
Spares us the rodomontadian strutting whereby
Lesser writers dramatize their accomplishments
In the bathroom or bedroom. Powys hated science
Especially vivisection of animals which for him 
Was all of science in a nutshell nor did he use 
Typewriters, telephones or linen napkins. Wait! 
Am I painting him as some quirkily funny SNL-host
Faux-awkward here-to-amuse-you Steve Martin type?

No! Who is another quirkily funny SNL type? Tina Fey?
No, no! Read Wolf Solent, you pogues! Read Porius!

Rosh Hashanah 2023 [by Mitch Sisskind]

Rosh Hashanah

 

The fox guarding the hen house

Is a figure of speech about how

By trying to rectify some situation

You can actually make it worse.

 

But if you have dementia you might

Say the fox guarding the fox house

Or some such gobbledygook which

Defeats the whole purpose of it.

 

Or does it? Albert Einstein said

You can't solve a problem with

The same thinking that created

The problem in the first place

 

So the fox guarding the fox house

Could pertain to that specific type

Of muddleheaded thinking which is

A not insignificant type for all that.

 

The Talmud asks who is wise and

Then it answers he who learns from

Everyone so let us bear that in mind

On Rosh Hashanah 9/15, shall we?!

Ed. Note: L'shana tovah!

Demons and Imps [by Mitch Sisskind]

How many demons and imps are in the world?

Ha ha! I laugh when I'm asked that question;

Demons and imps are numberless and timeless.

Angels flit in and out of existence like quarks

And anti-quarks but demons and imps exist

Forever even if their wicked work may change.

For example sexual intercourse near outdoor toilets

Was forbidden for centuries and imps kept watch

But today those same imps spy on men (women too),

Lawyers, doctors, Wall Street types, famous athletes,

Anyone who watches pornography on their computers

Or phones and that comprises most of the population.

What about Lilith the terrifying queen of the demons?

Now you're talking. Imps can cause techno-related

Embarrassments but Lilith can transform herself into

The Serpent from the Book of Genesis, the Golden Calf

From Exodus, or even into a shyly blushing bride on

Her wedding night who very suddenly stops blushing.

Remember: Lilith bolted from Gan Eden for wanting

To be "on top." Feh, feh. You know what else?

After the ruin of the Second Temple when God

For a time was estranged from his female aspect

Lilith and God became intimate with one another.

That really happened -- feh! -- but it's a secret.

SoftApple (by Mitch Sisskind)

 

 

We're in a luxurious hotel suite, Bill Gates,

Steve Jobs, and I -- but I'm invisible and

Bill Gates does most of the talking as

He and Steve Jobs sip brandy from

Crystal snifters and I love the word snifter

But let's put that aside because Bill Gates

Suddenly proposes merging Microsoft

And Apple to create a new company

Called SoftApple and when Steve Jobs

Seems skeptical Bill Gates references

The Peloponnesian War and explains

How the course of world history would

Have changed if Athens and Sparta

Had simply agreed to bury the hatchet

So when Bill Gates says bury the hatchet

Then Steve Jobs little by little begins

Envisioning all the SoftApple possibilities,

Steve Jobs slowly starts to come around,

He starts to wake up and smell the coffee

But at the instant that the old coffee cliché

Makes its appearance, why, I'm the one

Who wakes up. You see, it was all a dream!

The Devil and Donna Reed (by Mitch Sisskind)

 

Lou Holtz who was a great football coach

Said that the most important relationship

In your life is with God because God has

All the power over everything so why

Keep batting your head against the wall

By disobeying God which will never work?

Why keep eating your heart out uselessly?

John Milton makes much the same point

In Paradise Lost where the Devil actually

Knows full well that God has all the power

But he still pig-headedly brings about an

Epic mess of everything with his puerile

Attention-getting behavior caused by

A pathetic need for self-aggrandizement.

However there is a scene in Paradise Lost

Where the Devil has some doubts about

Whether to make the mess and although

He does finally decide to make it anyway

We can recall how Lou Holtz says that

The second most important relationship

In your life (after God) is with your spouse.

If the Devil had a spouse she could have

Talked him out of his infamous scheme;

I think a whore-with-a heart-of gold such as

Donna Reed in From Here to Eternity who

Won an Academy Award in 1953 could have

Swayed the Devil since that kind of woman

Is impossible to resist! Yes, even for the Devil!

 

"The Burning Bush" [by Mitch Sisskind]

The Burning Bush [by Mitch Sisskind]

John Milton wanted to explain the laws of God
To man but this is like trying to explain how to
Run a car dealership or a discount tire business
To an ant so what God does instead of trying to
Explain stuff is he just throws it all out there and
We have to figure it out like how when Lou Holtz
Was fired as the head football coach at Arkansas
Lou Holtz then had to figure it out and he said,
'God was trying to tell me to seek greener pastures'
Which meant coaching at the University of Minnesota
And ultimately at Notre Dame which had always been
The dream job of Lou Holtz. Sometimes God appears
In disguise like the burning bush when he could have
Seemed like a king but a mere bush he chose instead

"When the Sun Tries to Go Off" [by Mitch Sisskind]

Hey, all you old timers! Remember when Kenneth Koch wrote "Sixty Plays" or whatever it was called? They were hilarious little premises, only one or two sentences long, plus a title -- like, "An elderly homosexual describes the geography and culture of Mexico City to a Norwegian farm girl." That's one that stuck in my mind for some reason, though the title escapes me.

Well, I thought I'd try the same thing with little plot summaries of movies. Most of these are real movies that may get made some day now (probably not) that I've tweaked a little. I think Kenneth would have gotten a bang out of them --->>>

BOOK SMART: Two overachieving high school seniors realize they have never used the word "Timorous” -- and each resolves to do so by prom night.

THE JEWISH FELLA: A young girl moves in with her father and his girlfriend and discovers they are sharing the house with a Jewish fella.

UNTITLED CIVIL WAR PROJECT: Three Civil War re-enactors and an African-American professor of history are accidentally transported back in time and awaken in the actual Civil War. They have to find their way back to the present using only their cell phones.

BAD TEACHER: After being dumped by her current boyfriend, a foul-mouthed, gold-digging seventh-grade teacher sets her sights on a janitor who is dating the school's dietician.

BABE IN THE WOODS: Caitlyn, a first year student from the Midwest, arrives at Yale and can’t get rid of a wasp nest outside the window of her dorm room.

LOTTERY TICKET: A Jewish fella gets the flu during a three-day weekend while holding a winning lottery ticket worth $350 million.

BUTTERCUP: A middle-aged man is broke after the death of his wife but -- with the help of his daughter -- he attempts to go into the mail order jewelry business, marketing primarily to enlisted military personnel.

DESTINATION HOME: A spoiled 12-year-old girl moves to an old farmhouse in the country and befriends the ghost of Telly Savalas.

THE ORPHANAGE: A woman discovers that her son’s imaginary friend is the person who terrorized her when she was a child: Rabbi Louis Binstock.

TRANS AM: A disgraced sheriff’s deputy and a repentant getaway driver who must elude a federal manhunt join forces to find a "mamzer."

GRUNT: A group of college students fight to survive a brood of bloodthirsty mutated humans after an accident strands the students in Nova Scotia.

GOOD LOOKING: In a future society where dating services perfectly match soul mates, a man decides to reject the person chosen for him and takes up residence with a ferocious wolverine.

MIDAS HILLS: A team of mercenaries seeks the legendary wealth of a gold rush town that seemingly vanished off the face of the earth fifteen years earlier… but instead of gold, they find the Holy Grail.

AUDREY’S DOOR: Audrey, a young architect, finds the perfect New York apartment. But she begins to lose her grip on reality when she finds herself battling the building’s ghosts as well as the cultish tenants who are forcing her to build a door that will connect to a nightmarish netherworld.

REAL MAN: A nerdy executive for a robotics company has a new boss who is handsome, charming, brilliant, and making moves on the nerd’s girlfriend. Much to the nerd’s shock, he discovers both he and his boss are robots -- and the two of them team up to stop an evil mastermind from gaining world domination.

 Okay, there you have 'em -- but you know what else Kenneth said? "If something isn't working in a poem, do it more." So I'm going to keep on doing these -- maybe not for as long as "When The Sun Tries To Go On," but for pretty long anyway. Would you pay money to see any of these films? My favorites are "The Jewish Fella" and "Babe in the Woods."

from the archive; first posted August 9, 2009

Amusing little morning nosegays [by Mitch Sisskind]

'I'd rather get my ass whipped with a plank

'Than go to a dinner party.' For these words

We have Billy Bob Thornton to thank

As for morning's songs we thank the birds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now listen here and you listen good
Don't you dare go around using that 
Expression it's not my first rodeo!
I hate that expression and it's been 
Cropping up like the kudzu plant so
If you want to use an expression 
You'd best say the jury is still out or 
That's a horse of a different color or
Katie bar the door like if the dentist 
Wants to take your teeth out you say
Katie bar the door or say Jesus Christ
Or Christ Jesus which is six of one or
Half a dozen of the other and bull riders
Didn't used to wear football helmets.  

Sonnet After Milton [by Mitch Sisskind]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Waiting is one of Judaism's great themes
As when Abraham waited to be the father
Of a great nation which God promised him 
Or he also waited to be the father of a child
Both of which finally happened but only when
He was an old man with a long white beard.
Or what about how the Jews waited for 
Moses to come down from Mount Sinai?

You might think we're also just waiting for 
Moshiach but it's not like John Milton said
You also serve when you only stand and wait.
You should expedite Moshiach whether it's by
Philanthropy like a humongous concert hall or
Cancer hospital or by not stepping on an ant.

Old Nellie and the Big Spiders [by Mitch Sisskind]

Old Nellie and the Big Spiders

After 4 July how quickly summer goes until

Toward the end the big spiders come whom

I love but more than love respect them for

The web astonishments they each night build.

 

Sure, I'd like to get a new wristwatch but

How would my well-loved Timex feel as

The hour of the big spiders draws nigh

Which needs accurately to be clocked?

 

Wait, I've got it. I'll put a new watch in my

Amazon checkout cart but not finalize

The sucker till football season starts and

Then retire Old Nellie to my sock drawer!

 

July 8, 2022

Untitled (The Hamburger Lounge) [by Mitch Sisskind]

The Hamburger Lounge? Yeats loved it there.
Eliot, Crane, Whitman, Amy and Robert Lowell,
 When they wanted hamburgers, they knew where.

The Golden Ox on Clybourn used to prepare 
A fine zwiebelfleisch, served with a roll; 
But the Hamburger Lounge? Yeats loved it there.

He rarely attended the Golden Ox, nor repaired
To the old Gripe 'n' Groan. Edna Milay, Heinrich Böll
When they wanted hamburgers, they knew where.

Kit Smart, Hilda Doolittle, Pound, John Clare, 
Their passion for hamburgers was beyond control; 
And the Hamburger Lounge? Yeats loved it there. 

Though I am unworthy, this one aspect I share 
WIth the past’s great metrists, in my heart and soul:
When they wanted hamburgers, they knew where.

To reveal, to disclose a hamburger past all compare
Was their supreme aspiration, their deepest-held goal
And when they wanted hamburgers, they knew where;
The Hamburger Lounge? Yeats loved it there.

The Doves, The Clown, & The Camel [by Mitch Sisskind]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Under the aegis of Joey Aiuppa (Doves Aiuppa,
Joey The Doves Aiuppa, Mourning Doves Aiuppa)
No one could be killed (whacked) in Elmwood Park  
So you had to get a scumbag (mope, numb-nuts)
Across Harlem Avenue in order to whack him. 
You couldn't even bring a gun to Elmwood Park
During the Aiuppa years. What about Melrose Park?
Things were kind of more lenient in Melrose Park
Although it was the birthplace of Mourning Doves,
And River Forest? That was like the Wild West 
Where Accardo, Spilatro, and Moony Giancana 
Had residences and where Moony (Momo) took
A couple of .22s to the coconut after which Doves
And Tony Accardo (Joe) moved to Palm Springs.

Now here's something you might find interesting.
While many gangsters were moving  to the suburbs
One man, Joey Lombardo (Lomby, Lumpy, the Clown)
Stayed on Ohio Street in Chicago with his wife Marion. 
Even after Lumpy and Marion got divorced Lomby
Just moved downstairs into the basement. Why? 
Perhaps there were some financial machinations 
Going on but probably Lumpy just felt attached 
To the Grand Avenue and Western Avenue environs 
Where he grew up. Of course he disliked being called 
The Clown which the various news media persisted
In calling him whenever his name came up just like
Tony Spilotro disliked being called the Ant or how
Tony Accardo always insisted on being called Joe.

A mysterious and even a spectral presence among
The gangsters was Murray the Camel, also called 
Curly or Murray the Hump. Extremely intelligent, 
Always well-dressed, Murray the Camel generally 
Eschewed violence in favor of bribery or blackmail 
To achieve the Outfit's ends, and he was known as
A philanthropist in Norman Oklahoma where he met
Clemi, his first wife. They divorced but stayed friends
While at his home in Chicago he built a playhouse
For his daughter in the backyard and he helped
Many gangsters get back on their feet when
They got out of jail. When he took Sidney Korshak 
Under his wing as the Outfit's fixer in Hollywood 
The Hump said, "Sid, don't forget who you work for."

 

"Surf and Turf" [by Mitch Sisskind]

Surf And Turf

 

"I want the best of all possible worlds

For myself!" -- isn't that what we're

Saying when we order Surf And Turf?

"Yes I want a lobster tail but that's hardly

The whole of my desires and my needs.

I hanker as well after a small piece of high grade

Meat, a club steak, and with it (almost

As an afterthought) some broccoli, beans,

Or cauliflower in a bowl." Yet today it seems

We've lost that belief in ourselves, the ardor,

The willingness to "go for it" that Stallone

Made his trademark in the original Rocky

Of 1976. So I take heart when I'm with

My honey, my doll face, in the steakhouse

Out by the cloverleaf -- the one where

At seven pm they put a little flickering candle

On your table, in a water glass -- I take heart

And my spirits rise when I hear a man or woman

In the adjacent banquette speak these words:

"Surf And Turf!  Oh, Surf And Turf for me!

For I am worthy! I am capable of great things!

 

from the archive; first posted June 27, 2008

Casino brought to life [by Mitch Sisskind]

Casino is the best Mafia film although some might say that Casino
could not exist without the preceding Goodfellas so Casino is sort
of like Goodfellas 2. Be that as it may characters in Casino derive
from guys in the so-called Outfit -- the Chicago Mafia -- who ran
Las Vegas. A lot of us poetry readers, while we are familiar with
Joe Pesce and Robert De Niro in Casino, might not know about
their real life counterparts so a few of them can be seen below:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joey Aiuppa, on the right, was the CEO of the Outfit at the time 
in which Casino takes place although the character upon which
he is based is supposed to be from Kansas City in the film and
only appears in one or two scenes. I don't know who the guy on
the left is. 

                                                                                                                                                       

                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Robert De Niro plays Lefty Rosenthal in Casino and Sharon
Stone plays his wife. This photo shows the real Lefty Rosenthal 
on the right along with his wife so you can see how incredibly
hot she was just like Sharon Stone in the movie. The other guy
is Michael Spilotro. He was the brother of Anthony Spilotro,
who was played by Joe Pesce in the film. I don't know who 
the woman on the left is. Maybe Michael's wife?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here's a rare and unusual picture of Anthony Spilotro -- Joe Pesce's character --
playing ping-pong. Anthony Spilotro looks kind of pudgy and baby-faced in the 
picture but he was actually violent and hot-headed like Pesce portrayed him. 
Maybe it's not explicit in the movie but in real life Anthony Spilotro had sexual 
intercourse with Left Rosenthal's hot wife which made waves so Joey Aiuppa
okayed the execution of Anthony Spilotro. The real life hit of Anthony Spilotro 
happened somewhat like in the movie except Anthony's brother Michael was 
also whacked at the same time and they were not whacked in a cornfield but 
were subsequently transported to a cornfield and buried there. Why was 
Michael also whacked? Who cares. Furthermore, the bodies of Michael 
and Anthony were soon discovered by a farmer whereas if they had been 
buried a scant few yards away it would have been on remote public land 
where they probably would never have been found and there would have 
been no heat brought down. So the guy who chose the cornfield burial site
got whacked. 

Big Daddy Lipscomb [by Mitch Sisskind]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1.
I asked Jesus for a moment of his time,
We got together at the bottom of a mine
And when I asked Jesus for twenty bucks
He said ducks quack and chickens cluck
But Big Daddy Lipscomb feared no man
So be who you are to the best that you can,
Like Big Daddy Lipscomb was always mean,
He called me Jesus and I called him Gene
When we drove together on unlit streets
To a boom-a-lay boom-a-lay old time beat,
Big Daddy Lipscomb and little old me
Picking up chicks just being wild and free,
Big Daddy Lipscomb was always mean,
He called me Jesus and I called him Gene.

2.
There goes Big Daddy tooling 'round the bend;
He used to play for Baltimore, I knew him when
Him and Artie Donovan drank before the games
There in the locker room without any shame
About it either, and Big Daddy sure loved his car 
So when they played in NYC he drove way too far
Off of what used to be called the scenic route,
Picking up girls in Delaware and other ones to boot
In Philadelphia simply by saying that his name was
Big Daddy Lipscomb and he nearly missed the game
But he distinguished himself in a goal line stand 
And when last seconds ticked away he said hey man
To Artie Donovan, you want to shoot horse with me?
Artie said you go ahead, I know how the end will be.

3.
Big Daddy didn't play no college ball,
The Marine Corps was pretty much all
The experience he had on defensive line
Till he joined the Rams but then he signed
With the Colts and took his car for a whirl 
All by himself except for picking up girls
In towns where girls just want to get out
And go to New York City or how about
Memphis or Chicago, or anywhere is fine;
Nights by the motel pool drinking wine
Big Daddy wonders if maybe he'll quit
Football before the start of all that shit,
Two a day practices out in the sun  
Is plain old work but girls are fun.

Lady Caroline Lamb (1785-1828) [by Mitch Sisskind]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

O be with me! How dear I am,

Flinging myself from chair to chair.

Hello, I am Lady Caroline Lamb.

Would you like a witty epigram

Or a discreet snip of my pubic hair?

O be with me! How dear I am!

For Byron I made pleasing shams

Dressed as squires or Scots lairds;

Hello, I am Lady Caroline Lamb.

But what now avails such flimflam

As we played, our unchaste dares?

O be with me! How dear I am!

For my novels I was also slammed

By vain unlettered aristo types. How unfair!

Hello, I am Lady Caroline Lamb.

Reader, let's meet among the damned

And do as we please, they won't care.

O be with me! How dear I am!

I'll write only paeans and dithyrambs

In hell, I'll be such a good girl there!

O be with me! How dear I am!

Hello, I am Lady Caroline Lamb!

                                ***

Some notes:

Stanza 2: Lamb sent this snip to Byron

on August 9, 1812.

Stanza 3: Lamb liked to cross-dress

to amuse Byron or to gain access to

him when he was trying to hide from her.

Lamb was a vastly more interesting and

talented person than I've been able to

convey in this poem (sniff, sob.) There's

an excellent biography by Paul Douglass.

Born in the Belly of the Belmont Hotel [by Mitch Sisskind]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1
Born in the belly of the Belmont Hotel 
Near the end of the war. At the Belden-Stratford,
I received my education. The Park Lane?
Hours there in the coffee shop. The Webster 
Is where I will die, unless at the Rienzi Hotel. 
For many years I lived at the Diversey Arms.

2
Frolicsome, young-lamb-like, the Diversey Arms
Scorned that orthopedic grandma, the Belmont Hotel,
While the temperate latitude of the Rienzi Hotel
Was my standby, as too was the Belden-Stratford,
Where Al Farber's Steak Room was, or the Webster
Which had no barbershop -- and the Park Lane . . .

3
Let me tell you something about the Park Lane:
There were holographic ghost girls. The Diversey Arms
Claimed Elmer Horwich but he died at the Webster;
Elmer wolfed down chopped liver at the Belmont Hotel.
He should have gone to Farber's at the Belden-Stratford,
Or stayed sequestered, ensconced, at the Rienzi Hotel. 

4
For a time Charlie Livingston lived at the Rienzi Hotel
Until, after Elmer Horwich died, he left the Park Lane
For Elmer's old Rienzi room, and at the Belden-Stratford
Looked down his nose at the puerile Diversey Arms.
His bed was at the Belden-Stratford and at the Belmont Hotel.
He flossed his teeth, struggling not to end up at the Webster.

5
Oh Christ, I am so royally fucked at the Webster
And I am completely fucked at the Rienzi Hotel.
What did I think would happen at the Belmont Hotel,
Where I am also fucked, or at the Park Lane
Where I am fucked. At the Diversey Arms
I am fucked. I am fucked at the Belden-Stratford.

6
Whew. Just whew. I feel better at the Belden-Stratford.
I lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling at the Webster.
I watch puppy videos, kitten videos at the Rienzi Hotel.
One morning, or one evening, I’ll die at the Diversey Arms,
Or some blazing afternoon at the Park Lane
But I was born in the belly of the Belmont Hotel!

Must I remember the Belmont Hotel? Will the Belden-Stratford,
The Park Lane, the Rienzi Hotel forever haunt my thoughts? 
Or the Webster, faut-il qu'il m'en souvienne? The Diversey Arms?

The Rienzi Hotel [by Mitch Sisskind]

The Rienzi Hotel

Day is serious but night is play

Of dark around the headlights;

Police at the Rienzi Hotel anyway.

 

Queen Moon in her royal array

Don’t appear every single night;

Day is serious but night is play

 

Night, we do it our own way

Do whatever with all our might;

Police at the Rienzi Hotel anyway.

 

Day, here’s what I forgot to say

In embrace with you real tight;

Day is serious but night is play.

 

Night seems rather far away

During the day, right, right?

Police at the Rienzi Hotel anyway.

 

Oh, how like at night we sway

Because everything is okay;

Day is serious but night is play,

Police at the Rienzi Hotel anyway.

Three Sonnets [by Mitch Sisskind]

Tears of the Intellectuals

Tears of the intellectuals, bitter dew,

Moistening pages of ponderous books

Schmerz of the intellectuals, sad but true,

Bellyaching of the egghead schnooks,

Kvetching, self-loathing anchored deep

In the hearts of intellectuals albeit they know

The galaxies' secrets, and what life forms creep

In brackish saltwater, and how protozoa grow.

Oy, as knowledge expands, oft doth the pain

Of being an intellectual expand apace, because

There's never quite enough money to sustain

A half-decent lifestyle, and there never was.

Yet intellectuals will do what intellectuals do,

Are you an intellectual? Fuck me, I'm one too.

To a Statue

 

Queen Sennuyw of the Middle Kingdom's lore,

Your statue, 4000 years buried in the sand,

Now in the Boston Museum of Fine Arts forevermore;

What an astonishment it is. No restoration is planned.

In life you surely were graceful and serene,

Tall and proud, strolling around in the dunes,

Embodiment of all your rule had come to mean,

Worshipping Khonsu, goddess of the moon.

Now, even in stone, your eyes seem able to see

Far beyond the BMFA, off to where the Nile flows,

Where life and death were an engaging harmony,

Benign circularity, as the Nile's yearly flooding showed.

Sennuyw, enduring queen of the antique land,

Antipode of Ozymandias, carved by an unknown hand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Santa Claus in Springtime

I know Santa Claus is in the chimney tonight
But I don't waken startled, or even surprised;
I've learned to accommodate an amorphous fright
That gets more and more morphous, then dies.

I'll have to croak too, of course, or as the Brits say,
Pop off, which is the message when a tooth falls out;
So as your various faculties are slipping away,
Remember the song, better not cry, better not pout,

Because Santa Claus has always been in town.
You didn't want to come here, my good man,
And now, though you want to stay around,
What you want is different from what you can.

Santa Claus knew you on the day you were born.
Best not to stress about it. But you've been warned.

 

Rebozo [by Mitch Sisskind]

Herman Fishman asked, "How can

"I know if my wife is possessed

"By Lilith in our conjugal bed?"

 

Julius Jaffe said, "If a wife refuses

"To lie beneath her husband, feh!

"She has been possessed by Lilith."

 

He continued, "A man and his wife

"Need a secret word like rebozo

"Whereby to recognize each other."

 

Herman Fishman asked, "Rebozo?"

Julius Jaffe said, "Rebozo means

"A type of long scarf from Mexico."

A Kick in the Ass [by Mitch Sisskind]

 

When somebody went to prison

He'd say they went to college or

If somebody was sick he'd say

They had the sniffles regardless

0f the cancer raging or whatever

They had the sniffles, he said.

If somebody fucked up he'd say

The guy needed a kick in the ass

And because people were always

Fucking up he found himself

Saying the guy needed a kick

In the ass a tremendous amount.

A guy who lost his job needed

A kick in the ass as also did

A guy who booted a ground ball

And a guy whose wife cheated

On him needed a kick in the ass

As she too badly needed one.

He said, "You and you and you

"Need a kick in the ass because

"Let him who is without sin throw

"The first stone. Do I myself need

"A kick in the ass? Why, certainly!

"I've fucked up plenty of times!"