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Jill Alexander Essbaum - Coeur Despondent

I promised David Lehman ten puns today

Here they are. Plus one to grow on. 

Didya hear about the infamous movie director who tumbled down the snowy mountain?

...He had a roaming pole and ski. 

Didya the good natured Hasid who couldn't bring himself to true hooliganism?  

...He only threw Mazel Tov cocktails through windows. 

Didya hear about the Jewish matron who got an obscene phone call from a famous Mexican guitarist?

...So overcome with the perplexing emotions of both shock and flinching desire, she responded in the only way she could: "Oy vey! Come ovah!"

Now for some Tom Swifties:

"Buy my trout!  Mine alone!" Tom said, selfishly.  

"I'll take another gin," Tom said, slowly. 

Bathroom humor alert:

"Indeed, I poop every twenty four hours!" Tom said, yesterday.  

"Whoops! I farted!" Tom said, astutely.

And a few more because I cannot help myself, really. 

"This I do on behalf of my former spouse," Tom said, exactingly.  

Tom was forthcoming: "I can masturbate ALL NIGHT!"

"It seems this bird is missing something," Tom said, knowingly.

And lastly, leastly:

Tom totally announced: "Yep, there's ten of them!"


Thank you, thank you.  You've been great.  

July 30, 2009

June 30, 2009

June 26, 2009

June 25, 2009

June 24, 2009

June 19, 2009

June 06, 2009

June 01, 2009

May 08, 2009

May 06, 2009

April 30, 2009

February 25, 2009

February 16, 2009

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That Ship Has Sailed
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I left it
on when I
left the house
for the pleasure
of coming back
ten hours later
to the greatness
of Teddy Wilson
"After You've Gone"
on the piano
in the corner
of the bedroom
as I enter
in the dark

from New and Selected Poems by David Lehman


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