John McCain explicates a poem! Or he doesn't! (by Mitch Sisskind)

Picture this! The "red phone" rings at 3 a.m. for President John McCain. It's a nuclear emergency! The fate of the world depends on McCain's ability to explicate a poem!

We know that Barack Obama has written poetry and is probably fairly comfortable discussing it. But what about McCain? Could he explicate a poem if his life (and yours!) was in the balance?

Let's ask him. Senator, do you think you could explicate a poem under extreme pressure?

McCain: Well, I suppose it depends on which poem it was, my friend.
MS: I'm sure you're right, sir. How about this one...

Earth took of earth
Earth with woe.
Earth other earth
To the earth drew.
Earth laid earth
In earthen trough.
Then had earth of earth
Earth enough.

Sen. McCain: Hm. What the hell is that supposed to mean?
MS: Well, that's what we're asking you. To keep the world from blowing up.
Sen. McCain: Seems like something written by a two year old.
MS: It's actually one of the oldest poems in the English language.
Sen. McCain: Yeah? Well, fuck a duck! Who wrote it?
MS: Nobody knows who wrote it.
Sen. McCain: My friend, somebody must have written it! Some dipshit! Some asswipe!
MS: Maybe it was written by Snorri the Swineherd.
Sen. McCain: Snorri the Swineherd? Okay. What's the title?
MS: It doesn't have a title.
Sen. McCain: Bullshit! Complete bullshit! How can it not have a title?!
MS: Maybe it's called "Ko-Ko-Klops."
Sen. McCain: Are you kidding me? I'm running for President of the United States and you're asking me to talk about a poem called "Ko-Ko-Klops" written by Snorri the Swineherd? Let me tell you something, my friend. I'm a Teddy Roosevelt Republican and...
MS: Did you know that Teddy Roosevelt was one of the world's greatest experts on the anatomy of South American birds?
Sen. McCain: ...and Teddy Roosevelt said, "Stick to your speech and carry a big soft."
MS: He was very wise.
Sen. McCain: You're goddamned right!

Well, I'm not sure Senator McCain passed the test. But what about you? Do you have what it takes to be President? A valuable prize will be awarded to the first reader who explicates the poem!

Comments

[Laura Orem]

I think it's about sex.

hm. please go on....!
mitch s.

[sarang]

So earth1 (chick) got pregnant (hence woe). Either earth1 or earth2(the child) brought forth earth3 (further offspring) to earth4 (the surface of the earth). Earth3 laid earth1/2 (its parents) in an urn (made of earth5, mud). The last two lines are self-explanatory.

[Teddy Roosevelt]

Sarang is right. It is definitely about sex. Earths 1 and 2 represent the rough-riding body parts, masculine and feminine, that unite to create the shape of earth 3, bringing forth fruits and vegetables from the fertile earth. "Earth laid earth" is a remarkably explicit version of what happens. My friend Edwin A. Robinson told me that if you take a poem by Keats or Shelley and you substitute "earth" for each of the nouns in the lyric, you will get a similar effect.
Mac Cain was obviously not his brother's keeper or his sister's sleeper or the mister's weeper or the mother's sweeper or the doctor's beeper or the father's peeper or the baby's diaper.

[sarang]

Actually, here's an alternative take. The first four lines are, as before, about procreation. However, the "earthen trough" is a vagina rather than an urn; 5-6 describe coitus; what the poem is saying is that after their childbearing years, the couple had prodigious amounts of sex (hence "earth enough").

wow, i'm really excited by the responses to this exercise. in my judgment, the first person to respond in some detail was sarang. it's also true that "teddy roosevelt" offered a more substantial response but there can unfortunately be only one winner. The prize is a copy of the very wonderful book called "the river of doubt," which is about teddy's very arduous trip to the jungles of south america after he got depressed in the u.s. if sarang will send a mailing address to mitchsknd@aol.com, i'll get the book to you.

i have to admit that, when it was written in the tenth century or thereabouts, i'm confident that this poem was intended to be about jesus. but the meaning of poems can change just like everything else!
mitch s.

[Deborah Overmeyer]

"Come to my dry den and we'll moisten the cave of nakedness for thee, O sultan."
-- Mac Flecknoe

[Laura Orem]

I don't know. People had sex in the 10th century, too, you know. That's how they had people in the 11th century.

[DL]

As a Johnny-come-lately to this discussion, I would score Sarang's alternative take on top, but would also give full marks to LO's intuitive understanding of eleventh-century demographics, Teddy R.'s able riff on the Cain in McCain, Mitch's generosity, and Deborah O.'s cheerily irrelevant plug for John Dryden's overlooked verse.

[ness]

this is so hilarious! :-)

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