Picture this! The "red phone" rings at 3 a.m. for President John McCain. It's a nuclear emergency! The fate of the world depends on McCain's ability to explicate a poem!
We know that Barack Obama has written poetry and is probably fairly comfortable discussing it. But what about McCain? Could he explicate a poem if his life (and yours!) was in the balance?
Let's ask him. Senator, do you think you could explicate a poem under extreme pressure?
McCain: Well, I suppose it depends on which poem it was, my friend.
MS: I'm sure you're right, sir. How about this one...
Earth took of earth
Earth with woe.
Earth other earth
To the earth drew.
Earth laid earth
In earthen trough.
Then had earth of earth
Earth enough.
Sen. McCain: Hm. What the hell is that supposed to mean?
MS: Well, that's what we're asking you. To keep the world from blowing up.
Sen. McCain: Seems like something written by a two year old.
MS: It's actually one of the oldest poems in the English language.
Sen. McCain: Yeah? Well, fuck a duck! Who wrote it?
MS: Nobody knows who wrote it.
Sen. McCain: My friend, somebody must have written it! Some dipshit! Some asswipe!
MS: Maybe it was written by Snorri the Swineherd.
Sen. McCain: Snorri the Swineherd? Okay. What's the title?
MS: It doesn't have a title.
Sen. McCain: Bullshit! Complete bullshit! How can it not have a title?!
MS: Maybe it's called "Ko-Ko-Klops."
Sen. McCain: Are you kidding me? I'm running for President of the United States and you're asking me to talk about a poem called "Ko-Ko-Klops" written by Snorri the Swineherd? Let me tell you something, my friend. I'm a Teddy Roosevelt Republican and...
MS: Did you know that Teddy Roosevelt was one of the world's greatest experts on the anatomy of South American birds?
Sen. McCain: ...and Teddy Roosevelt said, "Stick to your speech and carry a big soft."
MS: He was very wise.
Sen. McCain: You're goddamned right!
Well, I'm not sure Senator McCain passed the test. But what about you? Do you have what it takes to be President? A valuable prize will be awarded to the first reader who explicates the poem!
