If you want to be president, your chances of winning office will be best if your name parses out as a trochee, preferably a double trochee, as in the case of Harry Truman, Andrew Jackson, Lyndon Johnson, Richard Nixon, Warren Harding, Chester Arthur, Jimmy Carter, Millard Fillmore, Grover Cleveland, Andrew Johnson, and all four of the presidents whose first and last names begin with the same initial (Woodrow Wilson, Calvin Coolidge, Herbert Hoover, Ronald Reagan). [Ed. note: A trochee is a metrical foot consisting of a stressed beat preceding an unstressed beat, the inverse of the normative iamb, in which the stressed beat follows the unstressed.] Twenty-one presidents have trochaic last names. Eisenhower's last name is a double trochee.
If greatness is your aim, consider having a dactyl for your surname: Washington, Jefferson, Madison, the two Roosevelts, Kennedy.
On the other hand, the evidence suggests that an administration headed by a one-syllable name (Polk, Pierce, Grant, Hayes,Taft, Ford, the two Bushes) will prove undistinguished.
The trochaic method of judging electoral odds has proved accurate in every instance except years when both candidates have metrically identical names, as in 1948 and 2000, effectively neutralizing the system.
Applied to this year's presumptive nominees, metrical theory predicts a narrow victory by Barack Obama.
"Barack Obama" in metrics equals two iambs followed by an extra unstressed syllable, like half a pyrrhic foot. [Ed. note: The technical term for a stressed foot flanked on both sides by an unstressed syllable is an amphibrach.] The name has a feminine ending. There are three precedents among presidents past: "Martin Van Buren," "James Buchanan," and "William McKInley."
"John McCain" translates as an iamb preceded by the stressed half of an invisible iamb. The one predecessor among US Presidents is "James Monroe." McCain alliterates with Monroe and James Madison. But "Monroe" is also one of several presidential names (Pierce, Fillmore, Coolidge) ending in a vowel, as Obama's does. Obama would, however, be the first whose last name ends in a vowel other than e, one sign of his originality. He would join Chester Arthur, Dwight D. Eisenhower, and the two Adamses as commanders-in-chief whose last name does not commence with a consonant.
History, when there is no incumbent, traditionally sides with the candidate with the greater number of beats in his last name (Kennedy vs. Nixon in 1960, Eisenhower vs. Stevenson in 1952) except when the opposition is a single spondee [Ed. note: two strong beats in a row], as in 1988 when the first George Bush defeated Michael Dukakis. The groundbreaking fact that "Obama" begins and ends with a vowel is an anomaly that historians will doubtlessly ponder.
-- DL
Wait, do you mean begins and ends with an O, or begins and ends with a vowel? Has his name been Obamo this whole time and we were in the Mongolian backwoods, so didn't get the memo?
Posted by: Ming | August 07, 2008 at 12:06 AM
No memo to Mongo! Merci, Ming. Mistake mended.
Posted by: DL | August 07, 2008 at 12:18 AM
DL: A post for the whole family. Thanks. (Lev's here, laughing too)
Do you think perhaps the current iamb-climate in the race is a form of upbeatness, even hope? The meter of the moment?
Or David--have you considered running? Your trochees could womp a couple of iambs, hands down!
Posted by: Jenny Factor | August 07, 2008 at 10:38 AM
So could yours! As Jenny you would be a couple of hot trochees, as Jennifer you would duplicate the uniquely great Abraham Lincoln (dacytl plus trochee). Be my running-mate?
Posted by: DL | August 07, 2008 at 11:35 AM
What would be the best metrics for VP?
NB
Posted by: Noah Burke | August 07, 2008 at 03:57 PM
David, I accept your generous invitation. I'm even willing to announce our ticket before the Democratic Convention.
We do however need a platform. How about...
A poem in every pot!
-JF
Posted by: Jenny Factor | August 07, 2008 at 06:50 PM
Best metrics for VP? A vital question, NB! (Perhaps I'd better not run after all. Although a quick check yields up
Double Trochees
(VP) Richard Nixon
(VP) Walter Mondale
(VP) Spiro Agnew
(VP) Hubert Humphrey
(VP) Chester Arthur (VP under Garfield)
Dactyl Trochees
(VP) Lyndon B. Johnson
(VP) Harry S. Truman
(VP) Nelson D. Rockefeller (dactyl trochee-trochee)
(VP) Martin Van Buren (VP under Andrew Jackson)
One other note on this matter...George Bush/Dan Quayle was a double-spondee, or perhaps a pair of iambs (depending on how you evaluate those less-significant first names)
Noah, should you decide to run for this VP gig, you would be in good company: Aaron Burr (1801-1805) and Gerald Ford share your meter, as does President William Taft!
-JF
Posted by: Jenny Factor | August 07, 2008 at 07:11 PM
I don't understand the terms but I like the outcome. Very clever.
Posted by: Marissa Despain | August 08, 2008 at 08:17 AM
Unfortunately for those who write verse, neither of the candidates names scans as a double dactyl. :-(
Posted by: James Wilk | August 08, 2008 at 10:18 PM
If greatness is your aim, consider having a dactyl for your surname: Washington, Jefferson, Madison, the two Roosevelts, Kennedy.
A fine point, and one which I roundly appreciate. :-)
Actually, Ethan and I both have dacytls for surnames. Though we didn't hyphenate when we married, I've long wanted to write a double dactyl that begins "Barenblat-Zuckerman"...
Posted by: Rachel | August 09, 2008 at 02:26 AM
These cunning linguistic theories always make me want to ask: How can you be so sure?
Posted by: Deborah Overmeyer | August 09, 2008 at 06:44 PM
I'm late to the party here, but I have a question -- when you say that in case of an Obama victory, "[h]e would join Chester Arthur as the only commnander-in-chief whose last name does not commence with a consonant" -- what about Eisenhower? or Adams? Am I missing something?
Posted by: Nathan Rein | September 15, 2008 at 10:39 PM
Thank you, Nathan, for catching these important omissions. I've made the correction.
Posted by: DL | September 16, 2008 at 02:16 PM
Aha. Thanks for the clarification. And also thanks for the excellent post!
Posted by: Nathan Rein | September 20, 2008 at 11:29 AM
Why wouldn't you just call "Obama" an amphibrach?
Posted by: Traci O'Dea | October 08, 2008 at 05:18 PM
Saussure had my ear.
Posted by: The Best American Poetry | November 23, 2019 at 01:55 PM
What about Abraham Lincoln, which has the rhythm of the last 2 feet of a Latin hexameter? And what is the technical term for that “shave and a haircut” rhythm?
Posted by: Peter Brodie | January 12, 2021 at 04:28 PM
To Peter Brodie's question: I'm not so sure -- but am happy to think that this long-ago post, meant as a lark in August 2008, has legs.
Posted by: David Lehman | January 13, 2021 at 01:10 PM