The Best American Poetry

Nester's Last Day (by Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz)

Thanks for having me, The Best American Poetry Blog, and thank you, dear readers, for making this week an enjoyable one.  Made a lot of new email friends and reconnected with others. And thanks to Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz, who sent in the above cartoon--err, graphic novel-type writing--in honor of today, my last day as BAP guest blogger (single-click your mouse on it to read in new window). She and her partner in crime, Shappy, rocked the Frequency North reading series, which I run here at The College of Saint Rose.  See you around the simulrockra, pen in hand.

Daniel Nester and Jonah Winter's proposed names of poetry books

Poet-slash-evil genius Jonah Winter and your guest blogger spent an afternoon in Pittsburgh not too long ago, talking of our lack of faith in Jesus Christ as our personal savior as well as making fun of poetry book titles. They all seemed so aggressively portentous, imbued with such fawning obsequiousness. To exorcise ourselves of the real-life titles we were mentioning, titles that shall not be mentioned here, we played a word association game wherein either Jonah or myself would think of the second word of a two-word poetry book title, which would after after whatever the other participant named as the first. 

So, for example, Jonah would say “Imprimateured,” while I kept in mind the second word for the title, “Meanderings,” thus giving us a title ready for someone’s poetry manuscript, Imprimateured Meanderings. (That's Jonah in full evil genius mode pictured up on your left, reading at UMaine's reading series awhile back; do check out his books, the very un-portentously, unobsequiously named  Maine and Amnesia.)

Sometimes we would even think of the press one of our proposed books titles might be associated.  TransDarkness would fit right beside those titles published at the experimental Ahsahta Press, for example, while Tremulous Beaver might be more feasible for, say, Knopf.

Without further ado, here’s our list. Got any others?  Add them to the Comments box.

The Orchid Sac
Lunar Guest
Concrete Pedigree
Beviled Desires
Standard Flow
Leftward Thwartings
Modified Rapture
Tremulous Beaver
Uninformed Highwayman
TransDarkness
Uninformed Tomorrowings
Imprimateured Meanderings
Sluiced Regret
The Sentinel Awakes
In situ, Storms
Alarm Morningwood
Darling; Wandering
Streaked Pugnaciousness
Variegated Cock
Woman House
Descartes’ Pancakes
Fugitive Contraband
Entering Beaver
Airport Beaver
Damage Thruway
Matchstick Haven
Unsublettable You
Earning, Toward
The Felt Apogee
Technical Vulva
Tree Entrance
Veinous Miriam
Unvisited Stickerbush
Polished Lendings
Stiff Flowering
Penelope’s Nubbin

Getting to Know: Rachel Shukert (by Daniel Nester)

In which we ask the same questions Teen magazine asked now-pregnant teen idol Jamie Lynn Spears; see original interview here.

Let's get this out of the way: J'adore Rachel Shukert. Sassy, brassy, raunchy, smart--what more could one ask for?  Well, how about a sassy, brassy, raunchy and smart essay collection by that same Rachel Shukert? Introducing Have You No Shame? Just published by Villard/Random House this month, Shame chronicles, among other hijinks, the writer-performer-provocateur experience growing up in whitebread Omaha, Nebraska, in that city's only Jewish elementary school. It should be noted that her sestina, "Subterranean Gnomesick Blues; or, The Gnome Who Whet My Fleshy Tent," which first appeared in the McSweeney's Sestinas page, also graces the pages of The Best American Erotic Poems: From 1800 to the Present. We caught up with Shukert between performances as actress Pamela Ann Windchime, who plays the character of Donna Kettering in Wasp Cove,  a Dallas/Falcom Crest-type soap opera performed onstage, which she co-created and co-wrote with  Julie Klausner. And we're glad we did catch up with her!

BAPB: You’re in Jr. High, right?
RS: No! I’m in Sr. High!  You’d think I’d be pregnant in Jr. High?  What do I look like to you, white trash?

What are you most looking forward to?
I can’t wait until the moment the baby’s head crowns, and I can feel my labia tearing as I shriek in agony.  What kind of question is this?  I’m a pregnant teenager; are you some kind of sadist?  But also, I just want to say, if that Sex and the City Movie doesn’t come out soon, I am seriously going to put my fist through the window.  I just need to know what happens to those elderly prostitutes! 

What kind of car do you want?
What kind of car do you want to give me? 

What's your favorite subject?
Um, that should be “whom is” your favorite subject.  What are you, illiterate?  And the answer is Justin Rodriguez, 1243 Cumberland Dr. Marietta GA., 30365

Do you play any sports?
No.  I was on the swim team, but that was before “what’s his name” “accidentally ejaculated” into my “vagina.” 

Are kids in school treating you differently because of Nickelodeon exposure?
They were pretty understanding.  I was afraid they might ostracize me after the preacher railed against the evil of the new “moving pictures” but it seems like they might be catching on.  Emmett Pinkerton, whose father is the hurdy-gurdy man, even asked me to keep company with him tomorrow night at the ice-cream  social, and later, we might take an amble on down to the Old Footbridge.  Of course, I’m not sure Mr. Sennett will approve, since he paid Mother five whole dollars for me, but golly, mister!  A girl’s only young once!

You have a new puppy named Ali, right? How is she?
If by “puppy” you mean cousin, and if by “cousin” you mean “sex slave.”  She’s fine.

How old is she now?
How the fuck should I know?

She's a mix, right?
No! She is 100% American Indian. 

What are your feelings about Ali?
She’s okay, I guess.  I wish she was more flexible, but I guess you get what you pay for.

Where did you find her?
At that bar Sullivan’s, on Leavenworth Street. You know, the one with all the sailors?  She was passed out on the sidewalk, in a pool of vomit, with her lycra miniskirt hiked up all the way above her waist, and I just felt kind of sorry for her, you know?

Do you dress her up?
I try to.  Sometimes I dress her up as a fireman, sometimes we put on the Richard Nixon mask, for a playful look.  But usually, I just keep her chained naked to the wall.  That’s how she prefers it, really. 

Do you try to coordinate it with what you're wearing?
Yes.  For example, sometimes when she’s playing Nixon, I’ll put on my Henry Kissinger outfit, and we’ll drive around to all the Vietnamese restaurants in Los Angeles, which is always good for a laugh.  Or other times I’ll dress up as a pilgrim.  She’ll teach me how to plant corn, and I’ll give her smallpox.  It’s all fun and games until she’s permanently disfigured. 

What is your fashion style?
Genocide.

Year 'round?
Year ‘round.

What do you like to do for fun?
I don’t know if I should tell you this, but I’m kind of stalking the guy from the Mac commercials?  Not the cute one that’s dating Drew Barrymore, the other one, with the glasses and the really round head.  The other day—oh my God, it was so funny!—I actually ran into him at Baja Fresh, and I told him if he got in the car with me, I would get Zac Efron to give him a hand job, and oh my God!  He totally got in my car!  So then I drove him to an undisclosed location, and I put him in a noose, and took pictures on my iPhone, which I sent to his wife.

Was it really scary?
She was super scared!  And he kept saying how it was like something out of something called a clockworm orange or something, so I hit him as hard as I could in the face, and like the second I did that, he got the biggest boner I’ve ever seen.  Dude, it was so funny!

TV anything you watch?
Like everyone in the First World, I am obsessed with Gossip Girl. I also love Taxi.  That Jim Ignatowski is hilarious.  I just want to kick him.

Are you watching Joey?
I don’t know what a Joey is. 

So, you have to get TiVo?
You better fucking believe I’m going to get TiVo for what he’s done to me.  Motherfucker.

Do you have an acting coach working with you?
I did.  Now I have an acting coach working in me.  Touché!

Is Zoe like you?
We look exactly the same. We inhabit the same body.  And we both love soup, and Maroon 5.

How are you not alike?
I’m pregnant, and Zoe is not pregnant.  Zoe’s name is Zoe, and my name is not Zoe.  And also, Zoe loves to eat clams, oysters, and other shellfish, and I am a heterosexual.

Will that change as you get older?
I don’t know.  I’m told that it can, but the person who told me that was this lady therapist my mom sent me to who totally tried to make out with me.

It's Our Two Cents (by Daniel Nester)

In the style of Larry King's "It's My Two Cents" columns that ran in USA Today, collaboratively written by members of the English 563 ‘Selves Thinking’ Essay Writing Intensive class at The College of Saint Rose: Louis Cortina, Chrissie Curran, Beth Hines, Rebecca Lewand, Lindsay Marchetti, Daniel Nester, Vaneeta Palecanda, Esther Prokopienko, Michael Sloman, Anne-Marie Thweatt, and Scott Wheatley

___

Losing an appendage would be devastating to daily life; I’d rather lose an arm, hands down….If you receive a tattoo on your ass, do not sun-bathe in the nude….Don’t slice your herbs, crush them…if you must, use your fingers. As for broccoli, break off the florets. Don’t take a knife to it…. You should not play rugby for the singular reason that you may end up with a flat face….

Last night I saw a bumper sticker that said, “You might have come from a monkey, but I was created.”  I like to believe I’ve got monkey genes…Am I the only one who still has a hard time saying the word “duties” with a straight face?  Even at my age and in the workplace, it's still hilarious!  If you disagree, grow up!...

Does hearing the women cluck back and forth on “The View” make anyone else tempted to light themselves on fire?...What is with people who don't feel the need to have an answering machine? I understand those who don't carry around cell phones to avoid being reached at all times of the day, but no way to leave a message?... Stephen Colbert should have a bear-cooking show….

I don’t care about this so-called childhood amnesia—I refuse to stand in front of my child naked. Better to be safe than sorry when dealing with the nude human body….I love Mexico. If you ever find yourself in there, buy some coke; it’s cheap and good… Speaking of cheap and good, never let your boyfriend who’s learning to tattoo practice on you; it may be cheap, but it’ll never be good…Do not enter a mud wrestling tournament the day after being tattooed….

Getting to Know: Sparrow (by Daniel Nester)

In which we ask the same questions Teen magazine asked now-pregnant teen idol Jamie Lynn Spears; see original interview here.

Sparrow created quite a stir when, in 1995, he picketed The New Yorker magazine, holding a placard that read “My poetry is as bad as yours.” His poetry has since appeared in that magazine, as well as The Quarterly, The New York Times and many anthologies. He also was featured in the PBS series “The United States of Poetry” and can be heard, along with his legendary band Foamola, on the poetry compilation Poemfone: New Word Order (Tomato). He writes the gossip column for the Phoenicia Times, a contributing editor to Chronogram, works as a substitute teacher, and is the author of America, A Prophecy: The Sparrow Reader, edited by Marcus Boon, as well as Yes, You ARE a Revolutionary! Plus Seven Other Books and Republican Like Me (all from Soft Skull Press), which outlines his unsuccessful run for the 1996 Republican nomination for president. Articles about him have appeared in Rolling Stone, Time and The London Times.  We caught up with Sparrow, who lives with his wife and daughter in the Catskill Mountains hamlet of Phoenicia. And we're glad we did!

BAPB: You'€™re in Jr. High, right?
S: No. I have a Masters degree, actually.

What are you most looking forward to?
Seeing a cement truck.

What kind of car do you want?
What kind of cars are there?

What's your favorite subject?
Economics.  Especially marine economics.

Do you play any sports?
I am drawn to golf, but ultimately I don't quite lift the club.

Are kids in school treating you differently because of Nickelodeon exposure?
Nah!

You have a new puppy named Ali, right? How is she?
Fetching!*

*pun intentional

How old is she now?
She's about four weekends old.

She's a mix, right?
True.

What are your feelings about Ali?
She's young, she's lost, she's almost diseased.  I see her as a template for an army of out-of-work radicals.

Where did you find her?
She was sleeping in a drainpipe near Victoria Station.

Do you dress her up?
Yes, sometimes.

Do you try to coordinate it with what you're wearing?
I try to intuit what her Unconscious desires.

Some pictures over the years from Karaoke + Poetry = Fun (by Daniel Nester)

Karaoke + Poetry = Fun has, over the years, brought together poets from all ends of the aesthetic spectrum. 

Language poets will sing duets with New Formalists; a pale-faced Saint Marks scenester will cheer on an elbow-patch academic as s/he belts out middle-period Pat Benatar.

It's an Aaron Sorkin utopian vision of Poetryland, a place where Robert Lowell's imagained camps of Raw and Cooked poets come together to sing along to Bonnie Tyler.

Inside the simulrockrum II: Journeys with Journey (by Daniel Nester)

In an earlier post, we examine my clever neologism of simulrockrum, the idea of an imitation in the rock realm superseding its original, with Guitar Hero, competitive air guitar, and bassists who play along with records and put them up on YouTube offered as examples. Today we're going to talk about some more simulrockra, with a Journey with the rock band Journey.

Steve Perry, as many readers might know, is the former lead singer of the rock band Journey. The band was an ubiquitous presence on FM radio in the late 70s and 80s ("Faithfully," "Any Way You Want It,"  "Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'). And you might recall their song "Don't Stop Believin'" was featured in final scene of The Sopranos finale.

The band broke up in 1984, reunited around 1986 after founding drummer Steve Smith and Ross Valory were thrown out, who were then replaced by two drummers and, on bass, future American Idol judge Randy "Yo Dog" Jackson on bass (that's Jackson and Perry, left).

Getting to Know: Amanda Nadelberg (by Daniel Nester)

In which we ask a contemporary American poet the same questions Teen magazine asked now-pregnant teen idol Jamie Lynn Spears; see original interview here.

Amanda Nadelberg is the author of Isa the Truck Named Isadore (Slope Editions, 2006), winner of the Slope Editions Book Prize chosen by judge Lisa Jarnot. Her poems have appeared in journals including Jubilat, The Canary, Octopus, No, Conduit, Tarpaulin Sky, McSweeney's Sestinas, Poetry Daily, and Unpleasant Event Schedule. She currently lives in Minneapolis, and will be attending the Iowa writing program in the Fall.  We caught Amanda on a break of a reading tour in the Northeast, and we're glad we did.

BAPB: You’re in Jr. High, right?
AN: No, but one time I was. Bigelow Bulldogs class of ’96. I was one of the valedictorians. I think the speech was about saying hello to people. Whatever.

Inside the simulrockrum (by Daniel Nester)

Of course many BAPB blog readers have heard of those popular Guitar Hero video games, in which a player, wielding an ersatz guitar game controller, follows colored dots that mimic the guitar part of popular rock tunes. 

There's a screen capture above--notice the "Rock"-o-meter, which increases as the accuracy of hitting those pesky dots increases. Players even have a whammy/vibrato bar on their controller, which earns players extra points if whammied at the right point in the song.

It has occurred to this guest blogger--who is very much interested in rock music--that Guitar Hero is just the iceberg tip of what he has coined previously as the simulrockrum, a ham-handed portmanteu of simulacrum and rock. The simulacrum, you might recall, is a copy or imitation of something that becomes just as real as the original. "The simulacrum is never that which conceals the truth--it is the truth which conceals that there is none," the late French theorist Jean Baudrillard writes. "The simulacrum is true."

And such is the case, it seems, inside the simulrockrum. Here's some examples submitted for your approval.

eddiesinner is a bassist who plays along with songs by the rock band Whitesnake.  And we're not just talking the late 80's decadent rococo videos-with-Tawny Kitaen Whitesnake, either.  We're talkin' post-Deep Purple, bell-bottomed, keyboard-player-with-the-floppy-hat Whitesnake.

Get a load of eddiesinner playing along to the live version of the 'Snake's recording of "Sweet Talker," above.  This guest blogger has at times preferred the Whitesnake + eddiesinner clips to listening to original Whitesnake recordings; he says this not because he prefers eddiesinner's bass playing over Neil Murray's on Ready 'n Willing. No: It is the combination of the two, of female fanshriek as David Coverdale as he croons "the bitch is in heat/so you better run" combined with the decor of eddisinner's recreation room, his deep, zen-like concentration that only bassists can make. As well as the swig from the bottle and cigarette puffs.

Getting to Know: Peter Conners

In which we ask the same questions Teen magazine asked teen idol Zac Efron, star of the Disney Channel’s High School Musical movies; see original interview here.

Peter Conners is the author of the widely acclaimed prose poetry collection Of Whiskey and Winter (White Pine Press, 2008), the novella Emily Ate the Wind Marick Press. His memoir about touring with the Grateful Dead, Growing Up Dead, will be published by Da Capo Press in Spring 2009. He is also editor of PP/FF: An Anthology, which was published by Starcherone Books in 2006. [Full disclosure: a piece by this interviewer appears in that anthology.] Peter is co-founder and co-editor of the journal Double Room: A Journal of Prose Poetry & Flash Fiction. He served as a 2005 guest editor for American Book Review. Peter does a lot of things, so it was a miracle we got a hold of him in his Rochester, NY home. And we're glad we did!   

Age: Street Legal

Sign: PP/FF

Birthplace: Gwenyth F. Conners

You may know me because: You don’t know me.

My house is: Hovering six feet over the ground.

The first thing I do every morning is: Get out of bed, drag a comb across my head.

About my pets: Most are dead. One is living.

I exercise: Therefore I am.